Brain Aneurysm Stories
Tweeter's Odyssey An epic poem of Aneurysm Survival-Part 1
There i was just sitting on my bed
when suddenly there was a "BOOM" in my head
The feelings i had are hard to explain
i thought ww3 had began in my brain
I sat there looking like a stunned trout
as the pain had made me release a shout
Holy f***k its just my luck,what a huge knot in my hair
i'm gonna have a huge bald spot,from that knot thats so unfair
I stood up and i looked around
the feeling was making me want to kiss the ground
i had no idea what was going on inside,
no warning no knowledge what my head was to hide.
The feeling passed i popped a few pills
went and did shopping,paid the overdue bills.
The headache returned after i had finished for the day
but this time it was constant in an unbearable way.
I had became a blithering mess
what my future was to hold i had no guess
i was told "this has all gone to far"
"get your gear together and get in the car"
"uve been grumpy and whingy and now you cant move"
"what the hell are you trying to prove?"
each bump in the road,every time we came to a stop,
i could feel the pressure in my head wanting to pop,
my speach was slurred,my vission was blurred
and all i could think was "how absured"
after a 40 minute trip on the road
the feeling was back my head was about to explode.
when i made it through the hospital door
the expression on my face must of been hard to ignore,
they escorted me to a bed told me to lie down,
"youre going to need scans put on this gown.
i did what i was told ,they put me on a drip
life i felt i was loosing grip.
they did a ct wheeled me back to emergency
stuff this! i thought whats happening to me?
the drapes were pulled back and a doctor stood there'
delivered the news "you will need expert care"
were having you transfered to a hospital equipted
the ambulance is coming they should be here quick.
I put my clothes back on threw the gown on the floor
"I need a ciggie im hangin i needed one before,"
i cant remember how i managed to get outside,
but i sucked down that ciggie and the ambulance arrived
i heard my name mentioned they were looking for me
i heard blood on the brain,and something about the ct.
i couldnt conceive time or the situation at hand
i suppose life itself i couldnt understand
they put me in the back of an m.i.c.a
they kept me awake i had to talk all the way
now talking for me is usually an easy event
i could talk underwater with my mouth full of cement,
i felt a bit better by the time we got to the alfred
but they were still telling me i had to stay in my bed
i heard them speaking ones a bleeder,i think i see four
we will have to have a conferance just to be sure.
they parted the curtains and gave me the news
cool i said now wheres a toilet i can use
in my pocket i still had my ciggies and lighter
im gonna survive all of this im because I am a fighter
so out through the doors i stormed
but little did i know a nurse had been warned.
l lit a ciggie and said "what are aneurysms" i wanted to flee
then a voice from behind answered me.
A male nurse expalined and he was quite a stunner
he was sent out after me they thought i was doing a runner
"im glad you escaped , but what u have is no joke
i myself was actually hanging for a smoke"
I had to laugh even though it hurst so bad
this whole situation was driving me mad
we sat there together and had a talk
he escorted me inside as i could not walk
they stuck me back in a bed and took me upstairs
i had to lie flat,but at this point i had no cares
i was away with the fairies i cant remember much more
they must of drugged me up good i didnt care what was instore.
the next afernoon after a ct angiogram they put me in pre op
the conferance from the usa said clip one so the bleeding would stop
it was amazing to lye there watching my brain on a screen
with the camera looking at a part of me i had never seen
i think i started the whinge,moan and nag
(im guessing i wanted another fag.)
into the theatre i was wheeled and transfered to the table
they were discussing my condition and said i was stable
a stranger approached and he checked my id bands
this man was my saviour my life in his hands.
I was at his mercy he was my angel in disguise
but then i felt the aneasthetic closing my eyes.
for 16 hrs my family waited for news on my situation
when they were approached and told theres been a complication
The surgeon has found another aneurysm 2mm from the bleed
it was hidden by blood on all scans,so it was clipped because of the need.
I remember being in recovery,i think i was quite violent
everybody was gathered around me and i remember things became silent.
I have inserted a poem i wrote about what happened after that
it explains alot about what went on when the heart monitor line went flat,
I do not want to bore you with my story all in one
but this will explain the time that my new life trully begun,
I was lying down the other night just staring at the ceiling,
when i decided that i wanted to share with you, near death and the feeling,
I do not want to scare you,or make you feel depressed,
for there is nothing to be scared about when it comes to your last breath
In my ears I heard a buzzing,darkness came, a bright light did appear,
with every breath that I inhaled the light became more clear,
I felt like I was in a tunnel being dragged towards the light,
At this point I had to choose whether to give in or to fight,
my life it flashed before me,that myth is no lie
as we are told by many happens, just before you die.
I remember floating around the room looking down from above
all that i could think of was the people that i love.
my body and my soul for that brief moment were apart
then all at once they joined again i felt the beating of my heart.
I can't explain the pulling force you have to try to ignore
But the light it looks so beautiful so enticing and secure,
The feeling it was sending me was of peace and tranquility,
of beauty and of paradise it was the place for me,
I really wanted to go there but then a voice inside my head
told me that i had to fight that light or i would end up dead
I started to resist the light forcing it to go away
if i hadnt of listened to that voice i wouldnt be here today,
The sensation of moving away from the light is one i cant explain,
i began to hear life around me i was back in the world again,
maybe that light is what they call heaven,that i do not know
but one thing i can say for sure ...it wasnt my time to go.
I then went into a coma, in part two i will explain the feeling of being in a coma and the power of the brain
Tweeter's Odyssey An epic poem of Aneurysm Survival-Part 2
being in a coma really isnt that bad
the worst thing about it is those around you are so sad
i had slipped away for a reason,i was still alive,
in mind more than body,of movement i was deprived.
some remember being in a coma,others nothing at all
I remember everything ,my loved ones tears that would fall.
my brain was working perfectly but the signals were getting lost
lost between my thoughts,commands,they would not join at any cost
people they would speak to me and i would answer back unheard
i thought my mouth was moving and i was speaking every word.
but in reality i was just lying there like a body with no meaning
i was calling out for them to hear me sometimes i was screaming.
all the tubes and drips and monitors i couldnt understand why they were there
the beeps and automatic blood pressure cuff ,made it really hard to bare
the ones that annoyed me the most was the ones up my nose
and down my throat i had a stupid breathing hose
they had stuck a tube in my skull just behind my ear
thank god i had a cathater ,glad they didnt stick it up my rear.
time was of no essence,as i could not see the light
so i worked out my sounds of tea trollies and stuff to know the day from night.
i learnt who was with me by their voices and their distinctive vibe
we do omitt them as humans il quickly try to describe.
i knew who was there by their warmth and impulses they did not need to speak
now some of you would be thinking this woman is a freak
my children would tease me about the horrible white stockings
and say your leg hairs are poking through they really do look shocking
we really need to pluck her eyebrows as she is looking like a koala
i would answer back oi u lot this isnt a beauty parlor,
but i thought my lips were moving the signals so confused
so i had to put up with my kids ,gosh i felt abused
but my jokes and grumbles unknown to me were all going unheard
i started getting angry thinking how absurd
im moving my feet,im answering you have u all gone deaf & dumb
why arent you answering me and why are you calling me mum!
if i could only get up and move id smack you all in the head
but the anger and frustration remained silently paralized ,limited to bed.
i thought that i was laughing,moving my limbs but really i was not
my signals from my brain was telling them too but the signal would just stop
i became frustrated got sick and tired of lying there
i had to get those signals right if i was to get anywhere
i started doing exercises to try to get in sync
but i tired very quickly trying so hard to think
my body was getting sore from lying there my muscles felt like they were wasting
they would come in and exercise my limbs i used this to do my brain investigating
this went on for about 10 days i think im not to sure how long it lasted
id keep on thinking this isnt gonna beat me this time u stupid little bastard
then one day i heard them call somethings happening in nurses care bed two
my eyes had opened my hands had moved i dont think they knew what to do
dont try to speak until we remove the tube from your throat
do not sit up,stay lying down,in came a man wearing a white coat
now u can speak if you feel like it,my throat felt so dry and hoarse
youd know by now what my first words were," i need a ciggy" of course
They induced me back into a coma for how long i dont know
hypertension was the reason id come too for obs,visitors and so.
Here i will insert a story written a few months back i think about why i call myself tweeter because it fills in a missing link
When i was finally allowed out of bed and allowed to wander on my own i left the ward,made my way outside to have a cigarette.Down the elevator i went on my own and outside to one of the busiest streets in melbourne. I didnt care that i looked like the bride of frankenstein,or was dressed in my pjs and slippers,i dragged my drip and myself to a park seat.
My thoughts were still numb to life i could sort of work out what was going on , i lit my cigarette and started to think about life.Gazing around i noticed a gum tree ,i heard a bird tweet,do you know ,that was the first time I had heard a bird tweet in years? I had become like others so stuck in the fast pace world of money and assets that nature had become something so unimportant to me.
That tweet,that one little tweet released from that birdies beak and then the happy song it began to sing, made me think how lucky i was to still be here and how i had taken life for granted.The most simple things in life became relevant to me as I began to shed a few tears and thanked that little bird for making me realise that a material world is not important,but the beauty of nature and life itself was.
I still return to the hospital when i need scans or check ups and i will sit on the same seat and gaze at the same tree and whisper "how u going my little mate?" I call it my tree of life its strange how a creature so small and a gift from nature in the form of a gum tree could change a persons life.
I have tears begining to well in my eyes as i write this and start to think how my little mates going,if he or she is still alive and if the my tree of life is still there.
I was realeasd after a few weeks but conditions were put in place I had to get my legal affairs in order, my life had been given 6 months grace. The six months i had been given and the knowledge one could explode at any time I suppose will have to wait for another tweeter rhyme
Keep on tweeting on ,my beautiful newly met friends, looks like we were chosen to survive for a reason.The reason? because we are all special in our own way.
AMANDA-JANE MCGREGOR
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Nothing on this website should, in any way be considered medical advice. It is presented as general information only and is not intended to diagnose or treat any type of medical condition. I am not a doctor, nurse, or any other type of medical or health care professional. Nor am I an expert on Aneurysms. However, I am an expert on the experience of having suffered a ruptured Aneurysm and the subsequent treatment I received. This site should not be considered to be, nor is it intended to be, a definitive source of information regarding Aneurysms. I have made every attempt to ensure the accuracy of any information presented here, but again, I am not a medical professional and my own interpretation of this information could be in error.